Download mp3 - admissions : Adam Sandler
“And
now a buffoon’s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.”
Dean: “Well
Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming
graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the
fall.”
Buffoon: “I
got a snake, man!”
Dean: “Yes,
pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the
occasional reptile.”
Buffoon:
“One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that! It was
all fucked up!”
Dean: “I’m
sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and
pets here on campus.”
Buffoon:
“Fuckin’ Shit!”
Dean: “Yes,
that’s a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a little bit more
about your background.”
Buffoon:
“My father’s a fucking asshole, man!”
Dean: “Hmm,
I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son.”
Buffoon:
“My mother’s a piece of shit too!”
Dean:
“Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you
can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn.”
Buffoon:
“My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her head way up her
ass!”
Dean: “Well
the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far exceeds that of a
local public high school.”
Buffoon:
“Your secretary’s a real fat bitch, man!”
Dean: “Yes,
she’s tried many diets over the years with minimal success.”
Buffoon: “I
had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!”
Dean: “Uh
huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable
experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of major?”
Buffoon:
“I’ve got a big fucking boner right now.”
Dean: “I
see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I
do not take offense.”
Buffoon:
“One time I ate my neighbors shit!”
Dean:
“That’s understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We’ll be sending you our
decision by the end of the month.”
Buffoon: “I
bet you got really hairy balls.”
Dean: “Yes,
it’s a veritable forest down there. Bye bye.”
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