I don’t
know if it was real or in a dream lately waking up I’m not sure where I’ve been
there was a table set for six and five were there I stood outside and kept my
eyes upon that empty chair and there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
laughter like a language I once spoke with ease but I’m made mute by the virtue
of decision I choose most of your life goes on without me oh the fear I’ve
known that I might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own all I’ve
sown was a song but maybe I was wrong I said to you the one gift which I’d
adore unwrap a package of the next 10 years unfolding but you told me if I had
my way I’d be bored right then I knew I loved you best born of your scolding
when we last talked we were lying on our backs looking up at the sky through
the ceiling I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway trying to read
the greek upon the stars the alphabet of feeling oh I knew back then it was a
calling that said if joy then pain the sound of the voice these years later is
still the same I am alone in a hotel room tonight I squeeze the sky out but
there’s not a star appears begin my studies with this paper and this pencil and
I’m working through the grammar of my fears mercy what I won’t give to have the
things that mean the most not to mean the things I miss unforgiving the choice
still is the language or the kiss
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